t was my last day in Hilo.  If the hostel would’ve had a long-term room available or I met the right person, I probably would’ve stayed longer, but I was tired of sleeping in a dorm room full of snores and late-night mutterings.  Also, if I would’ve found a job it would’ve given me something to do with my time, instead of rambling endlessly from one side of the town to the next.  I still liked Hilo and would consider making a base there, but no doorways had opened on this trip.

There was one last thing I wanted to accomplish and that was to search for the Naha Stone.  The Naha Stone is a large volcanic rock that originally came from Kauai and was transported by canoe to the Big Island.  It came to symbolize a powerful clan known as the Naha.  When a boy was born, he was placed on the stone.  If he remained silent, he was accepted in the clan.  If he cried, he was tossed out. 

The legend behind the stone is that the man capable of turning it over would have the strength to unify all of the islands.  The one who came along who was finally able to do so was King Kamehameha.  It is similar to the story of King Arthur and the sword in the stone, testifying to the destiny of one ruler.

There was a guy from Oahu named Lee who was staying at the hostel.  He was visiting his daughter in Hilo and was enjoying the quiet side of Hawaii.  He considered Oahu to be a real paradise lost and spent most of his time complaining about the prices and the traffic.  On this morning he was sitting in the common area and I sat with him for a while.  We got on the subject of retirement and I told him that I had nothing, not even a plan for it.  He started questioning me to the point where I got anxious and upset.  I went and grabbed my ukelele and headed for the sea wall.

There were no bright songs bubbling up in me now.  I faced the gray waves in a panic and tried to exorcise the anxiety from my system.  The ukelele had never sounded like this before, a charging war canoe.  What comes before creation is destruction.  I had to break away from everything that had come before.  Hawaii was never going to be the innocent place that I left behind in my childhood.  It had never been an innocent place.  That had been a portion of my youth and inexperience.  I needed to let the idyllic memories go and stand strong in the here and now.  The journey is like a dream.  You might wake up one day and find it means nothing at all.

It wasn’t far to get to the Naha Stone.  In fact, it was sitting right in front of the Hilo Library, only a few blocks from the hostel.  I didn’t even know I’d found it when I got there, as it was lying on its side and resembled a bench.  Who could lift a stone like that?  I was struggling just to lift the weight of the past.  Is there anyone who could unify Hawaii anymore.  Most of the leaders in the country were specializing in division.  If you don’t create fair conditions for people, you are never going to arrive at a happy family.

I considered walking up to Rainbow Falls one last time, but only made it as far as Kozmic Cones across the street.  For most of the trip I’d been living on spam musubi, which is spam on top of a square of rice, and could be bought for a few dollars at most gas stations and convenience stores.  I decided to indulge and get a hamburger combo.  The dining area was closed, however.  I took my food and sat on a post beside the road.  There was so much panic in my throat it was hard to swallow.

Walking back towards the hostel, I saw that a few homeless people had broken into an abandoned restaurant and were squatting on the floor, amidst the rubbish and broken glass.  When I got to Kalakaua Park, a lost tribe of them were spread out on the grass, beneath the ceremonial banyan tree and statue of King David Kalakaua.  It appeared to me that a plague had fallen on the land.  The choice was to either get tough or get out.  I was running out of places to hide.